I started binge eating last November. In the preceding two and a half years, my family was mostly vegan for health (not moral) reasons. We rarely consumed meat, dairy, desserts, or caloric drinks. Usually only once or twice a month on special occasions. My health, weight, and fitness were like clockwork, according to my annual physicals and bloodwork. I never felt better.

But then something changed. My oldest child and daughter left on an 18 month church mission to Mexico that same month. It’s been a wonderful but more difficult transition than I expected. I’m overjoyed watching her spread her wings, beliefs, and beaming face with the world. But I miss my daughter and am still adjusting to my shrinking family.

Because of this, I started binge eating, usually on weekends, at parties, or whenever there’s free food. I’m still mostly vegan and eat clean during the week. But all bets our off on the weekend. I can easily gain 5-10 pounds on Fridays and Saturdays after ungodly amounts of chips and salsa, desserts, candy, or even healthy foods like fruit, trail mix, and triple portions of roasted veggies. Then I spend the next five days shedding those gains with healthy portions, regular exercise, and intermittent fasts.

Nevertheless, my daily workouts are noticeably harder, and I don’t run or play soccer as fast as I used to, which is discouraging. I still feel mostly healthy. But not as strong or as mentally locked in as I used to, which is frustrating.

On top of that, I’m not proud of the example I’m setting for my younger children, which is currently: “Hey, kids! When you’re going through something hard, try self-medicating with food and eat for emotional reasons instead of nutritional ones!”

To size up the problem, I took an online eating disorder test. Thankfully I failed. I’m not depressed, overweight, underweight, shirking responsibility, eating in secret, or hating certain foods or myself after a binge. But I do feel disgust, uncomfortably full, and uncontrollably gluttonous at times. So I guess I’m a high-functioning binge eater for now. (And I’m not above seeking professional help, which I’ve done twice before with marriage counseling and anger management.)

In the meantime, here’s my plan to return to optimal nutrition:

1. Tackle your triggers. If you’ve noticed that certain foods or situations tend to lead to binge eating, look for ways to remove them from your life. Clear your home of your favorite binge foods and plan alternative meals in advance. DONE.
2. Avoid social settings that encourage binge eating. This is the hardest for me to do as a social butterfly who loves parties. WORKING ON IT.
3. Eat at a table instead of in front of a screen. I never do this at home but regularly do in social settings where eating and watching sports are combined (see above). I have to quit this, which saddens me, cuz I love pairing food with sports. NOT YET COMMITTED.
4. Plate your food instead of eating from containers. I’ve always struggled with this, but more so recently as I’ve picked up bad habits. COMMITTED.
5. Eat sitting down instead of standing. I usually pair this with number four, which is a double whammy. When we sit down, our stomach is better able to tell us when we’re full. COMMITTED.

So there you have it. That’s how I became a bing eater, and how I plan to overcome it. Cheer me on, please, because change is hard!