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I’ve frequented three nude beaches across three different continents. One in California—Black’s Beach, one of the biggest nude beaches in North America. Another in Argentina—Playa Escondida, which claims to be the only legal nude beach in the country. And one in Spain—Playa Morena, in a nation with no shortage of nude beaches.

After each and every visit, one truth became glaringly apparent: “If you’re good at something, never do it for free.” Contrary to what you might assume, nude beach goers aren’t known for their youthfulness, physical fitness, or modelesque bodies. In my limited exposure, patrons are mostly older, often overweight, not particularly well-endowed. But they are always incredibly tan and clearly stopped caring long ago what people think.

There was one notable exception to this observation. In Argentina, I was gearing up to drop my pants, when an incredibly lithe and sunkissed American in his late 20s, rocking brunette dreadlocks touching his buttocks, raced past me with—I kid you not—two blonde beauties on either side of him. Continue reading…