Blake Snow

content advisor, recognized journalist, bodacious writer-for-hire

As seen on CNN, NBC, ABC, Fox, Wired, Yahoo!, BusinessWeek, Wall Street Journal
It looks like you're new. Click here to learn more.

Tagged eavesdropping

Report: Area man not taking meals “because he’s so busy”

PROVO, Ut.—The legendary Smooth Harold and his adorable offspring were enjoying a delicious J Dawg last weekend, when they overheard two insecure women bragging about how “busy” their respective husbands were.

“My husband is soooo busy,” said the first obnoxious woman, in a desperate attempt to show how important and needed she was, merely by association. “Oh, I know,” countered the other. “My husband is beyond busy. He wakes at five, skips breakfast, works through lunch, then returns home exhausted. After wolfing down dinner, he studies all night. At this rate, he’ll probably die early. It’s great.”

When asked to confirm the account, an innocent bystander said, “It was the most riveting conversation I’ve ever eavesdropped. Certainly not something you hear often, so it was totally a discussion worth having, not to mention repeating.”

Following the news, competing one-uppers scrambled to rehearse their dull, predictable, and one-dimensional chronologies planned for upcoming family events, weekend gatherings, and chance encounters. “We’re expecting another busy week,” city officials said.