Lindsey and I are anxiously awaiting the pending arrival of our second child next month, a girl that will don the ever-popular name of Madison (Maddie for short). Despite my being a newbie dad, I’ve learned a few tricks in keeping a pregnant wife happy.

Here are five suggestions for doing just that.

1. This first one should be obvious, but just in case: Never tell a pregnant women she’s fat. She knows this. Also, her feet (and maybe even her legs) will inevitably swell with water due to the added weight of a baby. Don’t be a retard; avoid this one at all costs.
2. Never compare her to other prego ladies. A growing fetus can do weird things to a woman’s body, and no two females (not to mention two pregnancies) are alike. My wife Lindsey was bigger while carrying our first girl Sadie than she’s been with the second baby. Just go with the flow on this one; the most important thing is that your lovely filly stays rested so she can deliver a healthy nipper.
3. Rub her lower back. For reasons beyond me, Lindsey loves when I rub her back, particularly the lower section. It’s like insta-“you’re a stud, dude.” Good mileage can be found here.
4. Always go to the doctor with them (assuming she wants you to which she probably does). Being pregnant is stressful enough; having some stiff doctor check out your bits and pieces is sure to only heighten the apprehension. Make sure you accompany your wife to all her appointments, and she’ll love you for it. I’ll admit, it’s tough to pull away from impending work deadlines, but bring your Blackberry and be a trooper. Ask me later how many pregnancies this is expected for; in my case it’s been more than for just the first…
5. Randomly clean up something in the house, anything. You’d be amazed how far five minutes of clean-up goes these days. I’m not sure how, but my two year old can trash a room quick-like. Last week while Lindsey was out running errands, I noticed that Sadie’s room was a mess. Though initially reluctant, I abnormally decided to pick up before Lindsey returned home. You’d think I was a saint by the way she looked at me upon seeing what I had accomplished.

Having said that, I am far from being an exemplary husband/father. Nevertheless, I’ve learned that the above recommendations can help keep a women chipper while a developing mammal bulges from her abdomen. After all, a happy wife is a happy life.

What am I missing, ladies?

NOTE: This post is going to score so many brownie points, I’m giddy with anticipation!