Growing up, I had a good friend named Rob Hugo. We called him “Bab” but he was also known as “Sausage” ’cause he got sick once after eating and that’s what came up. Anyway, he was a rambunctious, bright, and very funny kid. I owe it to Rob for one of my all time favorite synonyms for less-than-smart individuals: Schaef (pronounced “shafe”).

Legend has it that Rob had an not-so-bright friend with the last name Schaefer. Anytime someone screwed up or did something unruly, they were dubbed a Schaef. So the next time someone does something to make you mad, frustrated, or upset, take it out on them by calling them a schaef. It will feel good, be less offensive, and hopefully after this, add a little history to your vocabulary.