Blake Snow

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10 things that scare the crap out of me (2007 edition)

I’m 27. Married. And I have one little girl with one more (girl/boy) on the way due this October. I’ve been self-employed for over three years, I work from home, and I believe in God. Here are 10 things that scare/worry me at this point in my life:

  1. Not being a good husband. My wife is very good to me and fully supports my career choice and all the things I’m interested in. I can’t think of one activity that I enjoy that she doesn’t encourage. I fear I don’t return the favor, at times; especially in helping around the house and in treating her with kindness and love. Only she knows.
  2. Being an absent father. I am online all of the time. My computer is the first thing I reach for when I awake and the last thing I put down before going to bed. Really. Before I brush my teeth, clothe my nakedness, or even feed myself, I’m checking my email to “get a jump on the day.” I fear even though I have the luxury of working from home, mentally, I’m just as absent as if I traveled all the time (see also: I’m a Blackberry father).
  3. Putting my family in another tight financial situation. I went more than three months without a paycheck at the end of 2005. Only our savings saved us (fancy that!). I’m not sure if it was a lack of sales on my part, or economic factors, but it was not a fun time in my short tenure as a provider and business owner. Ironically, my wife took it better than I did (see #1).
  4. Having those I come in contact with not like me. I don’t have to be buddy-buddy with everyone, and I know I’m not liked in some parts of the blogosphere by way of my contestable writings, but I lose sleep (literally) if there is a problem with someone I know personally. “Blake Snow is not a trustworthy, reliable, or responsive individual,” is the last thing I want someone to either think or speak of me. While impossible, I will go to my grave trying to ensure (by my actions, of course) that no one believes the above statement to be true.
  5. Not being able to build wealth for others. This is key difference between being an entrepreneur and being an independent contractor. I want to be an entrepreneur, but currently, I’m somewhere in between (hence the use of “entrepreneur in progress”). While paychecks from my company have helped support many individuals for prolonged periods of time, my company has not enabled them to become financially independent (yet). I aspire to be an entrepreneur, but sometimes fear I don’t have what it takes.
  6. God. Some may ask, “From an eternal perspective, shouldn’t this be higher on your list of concerns, Blake?” Yes, it should. That’s precisely the point. I read very little Scripture, I haven’t followed up with a woman I counseled last year who struggled with a heroin addiction, and I could be much more generous in donating my time to help others. Religion isn’t about theology, it’s about being humbled in the service others. If you’re not doing the latter, you’re probably not that religious of an individual despite what you may say. I doubt how much of the latter I’m currently doing.
  7. I don’t read enough books. I read more “junk food” literature in my RSS feeder than I should. I have stacks of highly recommended professional books and acclaimed literary works that I fail to read. My understanding, comprehension, and creativity would be much higher if I read more as 90% of the junk I read daily doesn’t count.
  8. My lack of exercise will catch up to my health. I sit in front of a computer all day. Yet somehow the “young and invincible” complex in me says “I’ll be okay.” I only wonder how many health-ridden individuals once felt the same.
  9. Complacency. How can you be appreciative for what you have while still aspiring to be more? What’s the optimal level of ambition before you become a prick? I’m trying to figure that one out right now.
  10. Being hit by an 80 MPH fastball. I admit being scared of getting hit by a baseball is a little juvenile. However, it’s intimidating to be in the batter’s box with ex-college and semi-professional players in my adult baseball league. It’s not as bad as I’m making it out to be, but the slight fear still lingers in the back of my mind. Some one just bean me so I can get over this one.

On that note, I appreciate the positive effects of being scared in life. It encourages change and keeps things interesting. Chartering unfamiliar territory builds character, and I want loads of it when I’m old and grey. So what scares you?