Blake Snow

I write sentences for a living: writer-for-hire, bestselling author, content creator

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Forget all this Pay Per Post parlance, Alibi Network is the real vermin

Not to deflect the well deserved negative press surrounding Pay Per Post, but these are the real schmucks. Alibi Network is in the business of lying. They sell lies for a living, or more specifically “excuses for discreet relationships and extramarital affairs.” Brilliant! Clients pay the company to cover for them via professional sounding phone calls, collateral, etc. Just listen to this ridiculous use case from their FAQ:

“Ann is our client and she has an extramarital affair. It is a short-term discreet encounter and Ann does not want to break her marriage and disappoint her children over it. Obviously, Ann needs an alibi to justify her absence over weekends. Therefore, she contacts Alibi Network each time she wishes to spend time with her partner. Ann accesses our website and chooses an alibi that would best suit her situation (e.g. seminars, conferences, trade shows, etc.). After we receive all the information (e.g. date of the alibi, type, delivery method) we analyze several possible alibis.

As soon as Ann chooses a 3 day Computer Seminar and the delivery method (e.g. either an email, fax, print out from our website, telephone call or mail) and the payment is received, Alibi Network will deliver the alibi to Ann. A detailed course syllabus of the seminar along with the certificate of completion is also available!”

Whoa. That was a close one, Ann. Good thing you paid extra for that bunk certificate. That’d be cool if actual demand wouldn’t sustain this; sadly, I think Alibi Net will do just fine.

“What do you want to be when you grow up, Billy? I wanna sell lies for a living. Yeah!!!”

[via Scott Lemon]