I uncharacteristically watched the PGA Player’s Championship last weekend. I usually find golf on TV to be dreadfully boring. But I actually enjoyed it this time. I even plan on watching more. But that’s not what I’m here to say. I’m here because I’ve got a bone to pick with the allowance of caddies in professional golf. Here’s why:

1. Players should carry their own weight, specifically their clubs, sammiches, and anything else they keep in those cow-sized bags. Pro golfers are already required to arduously walk 18 neatly trimmed lawns in beautifully warm weather. Make ’em carry their own bags, why don’t you? Pansies.
2. Uh… not quite sure what club to use? Figure it out, bucko. Club selection, approach, charting, and ground reconnaissance has almost as much effect on a shot as the actually swinging. Okay, maybe not that much, but you gotta believe a great caddy gives a single player an advantage over the competition. Tennis players aren’t even allowed to consult with their coach for an entire match. How come golfers get to do it before every shot? Lame.

Now I have nothing against caddies. I think they’re doing a wonderful job helping their employers shave a few strokes off their game. But that’s precisely the point. Golf is obviously a non-team sport, so why let pros use caddies? I garauntee a lack of caddies in professional golf would make the sport much more exciting. Am I wrong?