Blake Snow

content advisor, recognized journalist, bodacious writer-for-hire

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How to be an absent parent

Rachel Stafford recently shared some awesome tips on how to neglect your children. Here are some of my favorites:

  • Keep your phone turned on at all times of the day. Allow the rings, beeps, and buzzes to interrupt your child midsentence; always let the caller take priority.
  • Decide the app you’re playing is more important than throwing the ball in the yard with your kids. Even better, yell at them to leave you alone while you play your game.
  • While you wait for the server to bring your food or the movie to start, get out your phone and stare at it despite the fact your child sits inches away longing for you talk to him.
  • Go to your child’s sporting event and look up periodically from your phone thinking she won’t notice that you are not fully focused on her game.
  • Check your phone first thing in the morning … even before you kiss, hug, or greet the people in your family.
  • Don’t look up from your phone when your child speaks to you or just reply with an “uh huh” so she thinks you were listening.
  • Read email and text messages at stoplights. Then tell yourself that when your kids are old enough to drive they won’t remember you did this all the time.
  • Have the phone to your ear when she gets in or out of the car. Convince yourself a loving hello or goodbye is highly overrated.

What did she miss?

See also: