Happy birthday, America!

I love how you’re home to the friendliest and most generous people in the world. I like how you cheer on amateur athletes (even youth ones) almost as much as professional ones. I admire how you champion democracy, protect the high seas from pirates, and smoke less than any other developed country on Earth.

Granted, you have an obesity problem, export many of the world’s biggest vices, and are often ungrateful. But as the inventor of electric guitars, rock ‘n roll, and blue jeans, I can’t stay mad at you.

Here are 35 other amazing things you invented over the last quarter millennia:

1. Electricity
2. Light bulbs
3. Telephones
4. Television
5. Computers
6. Printers
7. The internet
8. Recorded music
9. Airplanes
10. Assembly lines
11. Agricultural machinery
12. Industrial robots
13. Carbon dating
14. Chemotherapy
15. Post-it notes
16. GPS
17. Plastic
18. Movies
19. Dental floss
20. Sewing machines
21. Vacuum cleaners
22. Skyscrapers
23. Air conditioning
24. Supermarkets
25. Free two-day shipping
26. Chocolate chip cookies
27. Theme parks
28. Hearing aids
29. Defibrillators
30. Traffic lights
31. Crash test dummies
32. Microwaves
33. Lasers
34. Video games
35. Smartphones

Thank you.