25 status updates you should never make on Facebook
If you’re a Facebook user, you know how fun status updates can be. The good ones give you specific insight into what your friends are doing, how they are feeling, and what they really think. The bad ones are vague, cryptic, menial (you just checked into some hotel — no one cares), and wouldn’t know wit if it punched them in the baby maker.
These, on the other hand, are much worse — 25 status updates you should never make on Facebook.
- … is taking a dump/urinating/throwing up
- … has contracted a venereal disease
- … suffers from a potentially fatal case of herpes
- … is breastfeeding
- … got poop on hands while changing diapers
- … is having second thoughts about getting married yesterday
- … just got in a massive fight with my spouse
- … is getting a divorce
- … doesn’t have any real Friends on Facebook
- … just robbed a bank [or any other illegal activity]
- … hates his/her boss [who happens to be a friend on Facebook]
- … joined the Klu Klux Klan (see also: Buck Burnette)
- … thinks punching people in the face is a good way to vent
- … cannot be trusted
- … is shallow
- … is lousy in bed
- … deeply regrets driving drunk
- … is manscaping
- … is picking his/her nose
- … admits to hearing voices
- … thinks W. wasn’t so bad
- … just passed a kidney stone
- … is standing right behind you
- … is hiding under your bed
- … has concluded that life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering, and is throwing in the towel
What am I missing?