A nerd got on to me recently for categorizing Lord of the Rings as “science fiction.” He cried foul like this: “That’s not science fiction, it’s fantasy!!!”

To which I replied: “Listen punk. If a warlock shoots a magical beam of destruction from his bow staff, it’s science fiction. I don’t care if it’s a counter-factual period piece, futuristic space war, or modern day fantasy—it all goes against scientific reality.”

Nerds.