Blake Snow

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Tagged relationships

Moving from toxic to healthy relationships always requires temporary loneliness

I volunteer with a support group that counsels and encourages ex-prisoners back into society.

It’s heavy stuff, especially since many of them are homeless when they first get out and largely ostracized by friends, family, and greater society. Those are hard conditions to beat, which is why so many of them return to prison (upwards of 70%).

That said, these meetings are usually incredibly warm, uplifting, humbling, and inspiring. Just last night, one participant expressed frustration in how difficult it can be to leave negative relationships behind, especially if you don’t have any positive relationships to replace them with.

In other words, misery loves company. As social creatures, many humans would rather stay with toxic people than endure loneliness.

When I quit recreational drugs, I spent a lot of lonely nights on my own. My friends were still good people, but I had to remove myself from negative behavior.

It was hard. But after a while, I gradually started fellowshipping with less dependent, more “naturally high” individuals. That felt wonderful and totally worth the temporary loneness I suffered in order to meet them.

So if you’re in an unhealthy relationship but don’t want to be alone, that’s understandable. But it’s better to brave temporary loneliness than to endure ongoing negativity.

The sacrifice is worth it, I promise.

How to stay happily married: Seduce, entertain, be nice

credit blake snow

credit blake snow

A happy wife is a happy life. Or so goes a popular adage.

This goes both ways, of course. But I suspect the saying is written primarily for men because we probably fail as spouses more often than women.

Either way, what’s the key to successful marriage?

First and foremost, always pretend you’re still courting your spouse, writes popular Quora author and Cal physicist Richard Muller. “Seduce. Entertain. Be nice,” he says. “Do all those things you did when you were trying to win her over.”

That means taking a sexual interest in them (not just maintenance, mind you—that’s not love-making), making them laugh, smile, and feel good about themselves, and respecting them no matter what (as opposed to misjudging, resenting, or objectifying them).

Lastly, “Don’t take them for granted, ever,” Muller says. Do this long enough and you’ll probably get divorced.

In other words, surprise them. Marriage is not a given. Do all you can to earn your keep. Contribute. Give. Don’t just take. Be the spouse you’d like to have.

Sage advice, Mr. Muller.

Worlds are colliding: The brave souls who are quitting Facebook

quitting facebookFacebook is a great way to stay connected with friends.

It’s also a great way to get fired, have your insurance benefits revoked, or suffer public humiliation. As a result, a number of users are deleting their accounts and leaving the popular networking site behind.

For good.

“It just became too much,” says grade-school buddy and long-time friend Josh Rhine. “More an obligation than fun. It also started to smell like some one cracked an egg of high school over an old gossip rag.”

Continue reading at VentureBeat…