Knowing the 5 love languages has greatly improved my marriage and other relationships. Since first being introduced to it many years ago, my wife and I have significantly enhanced our communication.

I didn’t learn about the 6 love busters until last night, however, while attending a local charity meeting. They are as follows:

1. Selfish demands. In other words, “You may dislike what I want, but if you don’t do it, I will punish you.”
2. Disrespectful judgments. If you verbally label your spouse or other relationship as something they are not in an effort to get what you want, you have disrespectfully judged them.
3. Angry outbursts. Think yelling, physical aggression, our any type of verbal or physical abuse to get what you want. Although anger is a secondary emotion, it’s one of the most popular ways to mask our true feelings while frustrating our own ability to feel heard.
4. Annoying habits. Intentionally or innocently doing something that bothers those you love. If innocent, however, the onus is on the offended person to assertively communicate that they don’t like said behavior.
5. Independent behavior. A spouse or friend or family member that does not consult with or otherwise ignores the feelings and interests of others when making decisions without them. I especially struggle with this one.
6. Dishonesty. Lying to get what you want or to hide something you’re ashamed of.

I’m not one to punish people, intentionally annoy others, or straight up lie to get what I want. But I do make disrespectful judgments, lose my temper, and act without consulting the feelings and wishes of my wife when making decisions.

While knowing the above won’t necessarily fix yours or my love busters, it is the first step to making an improvement. Now if I could only learn how to kick this nasty disrecptpful judgments habit…

This article first published to blakesnow.com in fall 2019