Blake Snow

writer-for-hire, content guy, bestselling author
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Tagged funny

Think your clients are unreasonable? Imagine dealing with this on a daily basis

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pU1LoZeBYk[/youtube]

My brother-in-law works in a Manhattan commercial music studio, producing jingles and licensing original music for use in advertising. Apparently, he deals with this regularly. Favorite line: “That is insulting. We would go out of business if we agreed to terms like that.”

More proof that unrealistic buyers are everywhere. (Although I still think there is value in licensing consumer music in advertising, which this video seems to discredit in an effort to sell more commercial music. What’s more, if demand is this high for “rip off” commercial music, I imagine a supplying studio could really clean up.)

See also: I’m sorry we can’t make a deal. Please don’t heckle me.

These short-stories are funny. My life is average.

mlia t shirtSince quitting Facebook in May, I periodically visit My Life Is Average for a good chuckle. Here are some of my favorite recent stories:

  • Today, my brownie got detained in airport security. MLIA.
  • Today, I discovered you can reuse calendars every eleven years. Guess who is using their 1999 calendar this year? MLIA.
  • Today, I pushed a door that said pull. It opened. MLIA
  • About a week ago, I went to the optometrist. While the doctor was looking at my eye, he told me to “open wide.” He was talking about my eye, but I automatically opened my mouth as wide as I could. MLIA.
  • Today, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich in the toaster. Tomorrow, I’m getting a new toaster. MLIA
  • Today I found a book called “How to Read a Book.” MLIA
  • Today I was walking across the park and there were a bunch of teenagers. First kid smoking. Second kid smoking. Third kid smoking. Fourth kid was eating a apple. I think we know who the biggest rebel is. MLIA
  • Tomorrow, my school has a spirit day. The theme is “Gender-Bender,” where boys wear girls clothes and vice versa. My father, knowing nothing of this, comes downstairs to find me in a jean miniskirt, gray tank top, black leggings, trying to put my hair in a suitable girly fashion. We stare at each other awkwardly, and without saying a word, he turns and walks back upstairs, shaking his head. MLIA.
  • Today, I read last year 4,153,237 ppl got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number? MLIA
  • Today, my shoe laces came untied. I tied them back up and carried on. MLIA
  • Four years ago, when i was 18, i noticed at night that my front window is very reflective, so i was pretending to dive in slow motion and shoot, dual pistol style. Suddenly a really hot girl walked past and i was startled and fell over. Embarrassed i waited for a bit and then stood up. As i stoop up i saw her slowly shooting an imaginary rifle from behind a car. We then proceeded to do this for 10 minutes until she did an extremely dramatic death. She wasn’t getting up so i went outside to meet her. Once i got to where she was, there was nothing but a piece of paper with a mobile number on it. Today, we are getting married. MLIA

MLIA.

Magnets that “crush hands, cause things to go airborne”

killer magnetsMagnets are fun. These magnets by United Nuclear, on the other hand, are no laughing matter. Check out this purchase disclaimer:

The magnets listed below are very powerful, much more powerful than magnets most people have seen, and need to be handled with proper care. Our larger magnets can easily bruise fingers and even break finger bones as they attempt to connect together. If you or someone in your household has a PACEMAKER or another electronic surgical implant, don’t even think of ordering these items. Neodymium magnets are not suitable for children to play with, and should only be handled under strict adult supervision.

Last month, the website cautioned that said magnets could “crush hands” and “cause things to go airborne,” but they’ve since updated their copy. Still hilarious. (Thanks, Matt)

Hackers having fun with road signs; traffic officials not amused

.msnbcLinks {font-size:11px; font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; color: #999; margin-top: 5px; background: transparent; text-align: center; width: 425px;} .msnbcLinks a {text-decoration:none !important; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999 !important; font-weight:normal !important; height: 13px;} .msnbcLinks a:link, .msnbcLinks a:visited {color: #5799db !important;} .msnbcLinks a:hover, .msnbcLinks a:active {color:#CC0000 !important;}

This is hilarious!

The Duct Tape bandit exposed

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F79iThUEWFg[/youtube]
Duct Tape in lieu of a ski mask. Cornholio-style t-shirt for added anonymity. Can it ever get any better than this?

30 funniest Jerry Seinfeld quotes

Seinfeld is the greatest sitcom ever and one of the best comedians of our time, if not the best. With that, 2 Spare has compiled what they dub the 30 funniest Seinfeld quotes. Here are a few of my favs from their list:

  • You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, “See if you can blow this out.”
  • Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
  • People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
  • I once had a leather jacket that got ruined in the rain. Why does moisture ruin leather? Aren’t cows outside a lot of the time? When it’s raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse, “Let us in! We’re all wearing leather! Open the door! We’re going to ruin the whole outfit here!”

Hilarious Starburst commercial

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlBxHhL2lQc[/youtube]
I realize this commercial is over a year old, but it still cracks me up. And you gotta watch it a second time for the full klepto goodness. But on an advertising ROI basis, I’m not sure if the ad increases Starburst’s bottom-line. It may only be memorable via its wittiness rather than its ability of creating an emotional impulse to buy more Starbursts. Regardless, it’s good stuff.

101 Dumbest Moments of 2006

Business 2.0 has published their 101 dumbest business moments of 2006. Here’s one of my favorites: “In August, RadioShack fires 400 staffers via e-mail. Affected employees receive a message that reads, “The work force reduction notification is currently in progress. Unfortunately your position is one that has been eliminated.” I think I’m going to start apologizing to my wife via email now. Less confrontational.

And who can forget the AOL “retention consultant” from Utah who wouldn’t let some guy cancel his account. Madness. Click onward for the full list of mediocrity.